What we liked:

+ Easy to delete

What we didn't like:

- Aesthetic
- Controls
- Execution
- Claiming a likeness to GH and Metal Gear

DEVELOPER: Braineaters   |   PUBLISHER: Braineaters   |   RELEASE: 10/04/2009
iHooy! A Game About Smashing Bombiez.

Branded as a castle defense game, the game is advertised as “a cross between Guitar Hero and Metal Gear Solid”. For shame. The developers would have been better off controlling expectations by not comparing it to two of the most popular gaming franchises to date. How exactly is this game like either? Well, there is a guy with a mullet and bandana.

Bombiez, regrettably, is not a typo. Zombies are invading, and these particular zombies are of a rather kamikaze sort that explode when they reach the wall you are defending. Thus, “Bomb-iez”. Yeah, it’s pretty stupid. The campaign offers some bizarre story made that much more difficult to follow by difficult to decipher stills and captions. The controls are also explained, but that won’t do you much good. There’s is almost nothing to do in the game except mash and slide, and even that doesn’t work particularly well.

You are equipped with two defenses against the explosive hoards: walls that crush and pits that trap. You must tap or slide the triggers for each to stop the advancing bombiez. In the case of the walls that crush there is lag, and in the case of the slide control for the pit, well that seems completely broken. Both are made particularly troublesome because in this game, timing is everything, so if an attempt to smash or pitfall a zombie doesn’t work the first time you’re out of luck. Further complicating matters, the buttons themselves are very small, even to my dainty lady fingers.

There are two modes to play in, “Til We Die” and “Start Defense”. The latter seems to follow a storyline traveling to derivative locations and battling zombies from a top-down perspective. There is no online, there are no global leader boards. Regrettably, the game’s aesthetic does little to numb the pain of the mechanics. Graphics are dated without being endearingly retro and captions are bewildering and tawdry. On the upside, there’s a gore factor. The music, which I imagine must be the basis for the Guitar Hero comparison, is sort of all-American anthemic – but completely unrelated to the gameplay and hardly noteworthy. Additionally, the sound effects are sparse and prosaic.

Simple controls and gameplay are a winning combination only if the controls work and the gameplay is compelling. Since the gameplay depends so largely on timing, imprecise controls are unacceptable. What this game is, is a danger to your device. No, it won’t crash, but you will certainly want to destroy anything within reach out of deference to Solid Snake and rhythm games.

This review based on a provided review copy.

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